Da Brat’s love is strong, but she’s the first to admit she almost lost it.
“When we first started dating, I wasn’t fully truthful about some previous situations I had going on, and it almost cost me the relationship,” she admitted, almost matter-of-factly. “When you meet someone, and you think, or know, that they might be your person, you have to be honest about everything in your life. You might lose them, but if you do, it wasn’t meant to be anyway. In the book, you’ll see that I was scared and didn’t want to lose her, so I held back, and that fear nearly did exactly what I was trying to avoid.”
Those raw relationship nuggets are revisited in the latest venture from Shawntae Harris-Dupart, also known as Da Brat, and her wife, Jesseca Harris-Dupart, known as Judy, in The Way Love Goes: A Guide to Building a “Beaurtiful” and Everlasting Relationship. In this blended memoir and relationship guide, the duo shares personal anecdotes alongside advice for navigating common relational hurdles.
“Our love runs really deep. We’ve been through lots of different things in our relationship, and we’ve talked about some of those things on our show, Brat Loves Judy, and on social media, but I don’t think we went as deep as the book goes,” Brat tells EBONY during a virtual interview. “The book just gives you a deeper dive into our lives. Real-life situations, the things we’ve been through, and the things we are going through. The good, the bad, and the ugly. The ups and the downs. All of it.”
Yet the process itself proved more complicated than expected, requiring a level of openness that did not come easily.
Same Love, Different Process
“She didn’t want to do it,” Judy said with a laugh. “She dressed it up so well. We’re very transparent. She did it, and she’s happy we did. But she didn’t want to do it.”
For the rap legend, it wasn’t the act of writing that gave her pause, but the question of how much more of her relationship, and her personal life, she could give.
“At one point, I felt like we’d given enough,” the “What’Chu Like” rapper admitted. “We’d given our heart and soul. We’d given enough.”
“You can always give a little bit more,” Judy added with a smile. “Just a tad. You know what I’m saying.”
That push and pull speaks to the balance at the heart of their partnership: Brat’s protectiveness over their private world and Judy’s entrepreneurial instinct to turn lived experience into something purposeful and lucrative. The result is a union where love and ambition move in tandem.
That negotiating tango is one that the couple often performs, shaped by their differing work styles. Asked whether they’re better at resolving conflict in business or in their relationship, both agree that love wins, though not without some spirited debate.
“I think it’s love,” Judy said. “It takes a little longer, but in love, we’re stronger.”
“Yeah, because she’s got a billion other things that come before me,” Brat countered.
“A billion?” Judy shot back with a laugh. “A billion that comes before you?”
“Not a billion, but at least ten.” Da Brat conceded.
“Nothing comes before you,” Judy clarified. “I just work a lot. If she calls and I’m on Zoom, I’ll text her to say that, but it doesn’t mean she comes second.”
“If I’m calling her, I want to be handled with urgency. Even if you’re on a call or answering emails, just click over and say, ‘Hey, I’m doing this.’ Don’t not answer and then text me minutes later. What if I’m dangling from a bridge or something?” Brat joked. “I need you to answer right then so I can say, ‘No, I’m not okay,’ or ‘Yes, I’m okay.’”
“We do handle things differently,” Judy explained. “When we’re filming our show, we might have to shoot three scenes in a day. She wants to take breaks in between. I want to run straight through. In moments like that, we talk it out and figure out how to meet in the middle.”
Tapping Each Other’s Strengths
Navigating love has taught them the art of compromise, and they’ve also learned valuable lessons from one another. For example, Judy credits Brat with sharpening her business instincts.
“She’s good at cutting people off and not giving them a million chances,” Judy said. “She taught me how to do that in business. Not to cut people off, but to stand up for myself a little more.”
Brat laughed and returned the sentiment. “And vice versa. I’ve learned how to give people more chances. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. But I think people who deserve another chance should get it, instead of being written off for a single mistake. I’ve learned through her to let people redeem themselves.”
When asked what they most want readers to walk away understanding, both women speak candidly about love, timing, and honesty.
Love Abounds
“It’s never too late for love,” Judy says. “Don’t give up because of past experiences that were bad. Your person will find you when you’re not looking, so give love a chance. I know it sounds cliché, but if either of us had given up on love because of our pasts, we would’ve never found each other. And don’t be afraid to shoot your shot.””
In The Way Love Goes, Brat and Judy don’t offer a perfect blueprint for partnership in either business or love. What they offer instead is something far more honest: a portrait of love as a living, evolving practice. A love that is shaped by negotiation and vulnerability, by ambition and patience, by knowing when to push forward and when to pause. Their story reminds readers that a lasting partnership isn’t about getting it right all of the time, but about choosing, again and again, to meet each other in the middle.
Jazmine Denise Thompson is an educator, writer, and editor. She is the founder of Montclair Kindred, a community book club that centers the voices and experiences of Black women.