I am a fan of Megan Thee Stallion, not just for her music, but mainly for her resilience. As someone who lost both of her parents, one due to gun violence and another due to an aggressive brain cancer, I know intimately the pain one feels navigating the world with parental support and protection, and how I’ve had to be intentional in navigating my life, including my romantic one, upon their deaths. I’ve become more protective of myself, more discerning, and more aware of the people around me and their behavior because I know I won’t ever have that safety net of my parents.
Recently, when news broke out about the rapper’s breakup with Klay Thompson due to his infidelity, I was disappointed for the artist in more ways than one. Cheating, betrayal, and dishonesty are hard truths to get over in a relationship, and I’m glad Megan decided to set a firm boundary and move forward on her own terms.
However, I was deeply hurt for her because it seemed like she was also building a family system within Thompson’s familial unit, his parents, from what was shown on social media: family dinners and outings, sweet pictures of them all together. I could only imagine how those new connections might have felt for her – a sign of hope that she can have a present family unit and support, something that she’s probably wanted and missed since her mom passed away in 2019 from brain cancer. Instead of focusing on the gossip aspect of the breakup, misaligned “hot-takes” from the manosphere about the artist’s love life, I immediately thought of how dating without parental support or consistent, emotionally safe parental figures can shape how someone understands closeness, conflict, trust, and what it means to feel supported in a relationship, and sought to find understanding through Meghan Watson, psychotherapist and founder of Bloom Psychology & Wellness.
“Dating without parental support can make romantic love feel like the place where all of our unmet needs finally have to be answered. But a partner can be part of our support system without becoming the whole system,” she told EBONY. “People who grew up without steady parental figures are not broken in love. They may need more intentional support around attachment, boundaries, grief, and emotional safety, especially if those things were not consistently modeled for them.”
Watson believes that when someone has had to grow up without steady parental support, romantic relationships can sometimes become the place where they hope to finally feel held, chosen, protected, or understood, which is normal. “That longing makes sense. It’s not a character flaw or “neediness.” Often, it’s the nervous system trying to find the steadiness it may not have had access to earlier in life. At the same time, when a romantic relationship becomes the primary place to address all those unmet needs, it can put a lot of pressure on the relationship. A partner can be part of our support system, but they cannot be the whole system,” she said.
According to Watson, here are some ways not having parental support can shape relationships:
Impact attachment: Some people may become more anxious in relationships — seeking reassurance, feeling unsettled by distance, or experiencing ambiguity as rejection. Others may become more avoidant — keeping emotional distance because depending on people has historically felt unsafe. Some people move between both.
Makes conflict feel more threatening: If someone didn’t grow up around safe repair, conflict may not feel like “we’re having a disagreement.” It may feel like abandonment, rejection, danger, or proof that love is about to disappear.
Creates pressure for a partner to become everything: When someone has lacked steady support, a romantic partner can unconsciously come to be the person expected to provide safety, reassurance, protection, a sense of belonging, and emotional repair. That’s a lot for one relationship to hold.
Can make intensity feel like intimacy: When love or support has felt inconsistent, fast-moving or emotionally intense relationships can sometimes feel familiar or even comforting. But intensity is not always the same as safety, consistency, or compatibility.
Can reopen old grief: Dating can bring up grief around what someone didn’t receive earlier in life — protection, guidance, affirmation, emotional presence, or someone to turn to. That grief doesn’t mean something is wrong. It may simply need care and space.
Can make self-trust harder: Without steady parental support, someone may not have had enough opportunities to learn what healthy love, boundaries, repair, or emotional safety feel like. That can make it harder to know what is a red flag, what is anxiety, and what is a real need asking for attention.
How to date in a healthy, grounded way without strong parental support, according to Watson:
Build support outside of the relationship: A healthy partner can offer care, but they cannot be your entire emotional ecosystem. Friendships, mentors, therapy, community, spiritual practices, and chosen family all matter.
Notice what feels familiar, not just what feels exciting: Sometimes we’re drawn to dynamics that mirror what we’ve already survived. Chemistry is powerful, but it is not the same thing as safety or compatibility.
Learn your conflict patterns: Notice what happens when you feel scared, disappointed, or unsure. Do you shut down? Chase reassurance? Over-explain? People-please? Pretend you’re fine? These patterns often began as a form of protection, but they may need to be updated. Practice asking for reassurance directly. It’s okay to need reassurance. The work is learning to ask clearly instead of testing, withdrawing, or hoping someone will read your mind. For example: “I’m feeling a little activated and could use some reassurance that we’re okay.”
Move slowly enough to hear yourself: When love has felt scarce, intensity can sometimes feel like intimacy. Slowing down gives you time to notice whether trust, consistency, and emotional safety are actually being built.
Separate the current relationship from the original wound: A partner can support you, but they cannot go back and become the parent, protector, or emotional anchor you needed earlier in life. That work often requires grief, therapy, self-compassion, and community care.
Look for repair, not perfection: Healthy relationships are not relationships where no one ever gets hurt. They are relationships where both people can take responsibility, listen, repair, and return to each other with care.