Most families develop their own philosophy when it comes to grief. Not because it disappears, but because people learn how to live alongside it. Building a village helps. The people who call, check in and sit with you in the quiet. The people who remind you to keep going when the world expects you to move on.
Sheinelle Jones, who just completed her book tour for Through Mom’s Eyes, and I are sitting inside the Today Show studios, where she’s an on-air correspondent. We had sat down for an intimate, candid conversation about loss, grief, and finding oneself again, and she shared a powerful observation about women not losing themselves.
“So many mothers pour everything into everybody else. Wanda Durant talked about looking in the mirror one day and realizing she didn’t know herself anymore outside of motherhood,” the Kansas native, proud Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority member and mother of three teenagers, explained. “Her comments, that stayed with me. It’s never too late to evolve. Never too late to become somebody new.”
That’s what makes Jones’ now viral moment with Rihanna at the Met Gala, where the journalist and the superstar volleyed back and forth, giving each other praise, so moving: that mother-to-mother recognition that they, too, need to be poured into.
Here, Jones shares more about her book and the lessons she’s learned along the way.
EBONY: You spoke to so many mothers of influential people for this book. What stayed with you the most?
Sheinelle Jones: Presence. Every woman I talked to leaned in. Even if they were busy or working or exhausted, when their child needed something, they listened. That moment of paying attention changed trajectories. I realized how easy it is to miss moments because life moves fast.
One thing I kept thinking while reading the book is how much Black mothers carry emotionally, financially and spiritually. Where do you think the cost shows up most?
Time. Energy. Sacrifice. Especially for mothers raising exceptional children. You pour into practices, lessons, advocacy, all of it. But for many of these women, seeing their children thrive gave them fuel. The exhaustion usually hits later, when things finally slow down, and they have to ask themselves, “Now who am I?”
“I’ve had to stop looking for other people. I had to just start being the woman I want to be.”
— Sheneille Jones
After speaking with these women, what changed for you personally?
Jones: Faith changed for me. Resilience changed for me. I started this project thinking it would teach me parenting tips. Then life happens. Suddenly, these interviews started speaking back to me in a completely different way. The project healed me while I was still living through grief.
Who’s the TV mom that feels real to you, someone you identify with?
Claire Huxtable. Absolutely. Beautiful Black family. Strength. Intelligence. Grace. No nonsense. I think a lot of Black women saw possibility through her.
Towards the end of our chat, we talked about my grandmother, who passed away recently. I told Jones how my grandmother grew sunflowers. She smiled immediately. Her grandmother grew them, too. Then she shared a video about the “Sunflower Theory,” and suddenly, it all clicked.
Grief is not always shadows and heartache. Sometimes it arrives as a reminder that the people we love are still shining on us, still finding ways to let us know they’re near.