As we observe Breast Cancer Awareness Month, it’s a time to reflect on the impact of this disease, not just on those diagnosed, but also on their families, especially children. Navigating a cancer diagnosis can be overwhelming, and one of the most challenging conversations may be how to tell your children about the situation.
It’s important to approach this delicate topic with empathy and honesty, ensuring your little ones feel supported and understood during this difficult time. It’s already hard enough to get a diagnosis, but even harder when you have to tell other people. When it comes to children, that may be the hardest, but here are some tips for how you can talk to children about someone they love receiving a cancer diagnosis.
Be Honest
“As a parent, you may feel anxious or worried to tell your children about your career,” said social worker Natalie Santos in an interview with the Memorial Sloan Kettering podcast. “I often hear from parents that, ‘I don’t want to scare my child,’ or ‘I just want my children to live their lives without having to worry about me.’ But what we know from the research and all our work with families is that the best thing to do is to be honest about your cancer diagnosis and to provide support and a space for them to be part of the conversation, just like any other big family issue that you would approach. This will help your kids feel more reassured and more supported.”
Make it Age-Appropriate
Obviously, pre-teens, teenagers, and adults can tolerate more details and process what may happen much better than younger children can. “It’s really important to be honest and clear about what your illness is, to really differentiate your cancer from any other illness that your child might be more familiar with, like a cold or a stomach bug,” said Santos. “You want to use really specific language like, ‘Mom has cancer in her breast,’ or ‘Dad has a disease in his blood.’ It’s also important to remember that it may take more than one conversation to get your children to understand what’s happening.”
Discuss The Possible Changes
There may be weight loss, reduced energy, changes in appetite, and hair loss. Explain that the physical changes won’t change who you are at your core. You are still the parent they know and love, but the journey through cancer can change your outward appearance.
Let Them Express Themselves
According to the American Cancer Society, it’s important to let them ask questions and express their feelings. This open communication with your kids is crucial, especially when dealing with a serious illness like cancer. Encouraging them to voice their concerns not only helps them process their emotions but also creates a supportive environment where they feel heard and understood.
Be Reassuring
The American Cancer Society reports that many children often blame themselves. Reassure them that they didn’t cause the cancer, and think about connecting them with other children who might be going through the same thing. Camp Kesem is a resource for children who have parents going through cancer.