Summer is for situationships, spontaneous link-ups and pretending you’re totally fine with “keeping things casual.” But as the temperature drops and the sunsets get earlier, a familiar feeling starts creeping in: Damn… it would be nice to have somebody.
Welcome to cuffing season. For Black singles, cuffing season can be its own cultural phenomenon. Suddenly, the group chat is discussing relationship goals, couples are posting their pumpkin-patch dates and your favorite restaurant is filled with young, Black, professional and turnt couples sharing a bottle of wine. But before you start swiping with winter in mind, getting your own house in order is just as important as finding someone to share it with.
Know What You Actually Want
Are you looking for a serious relationship? Someone to attend holiday functions with? A consistent companion for cozy nights and Sunday brunch? Or are you simply open to meeting someone and seeing where things go? There’s nothing wrong with wanting companionship, but clarity can save you from entering a relationship just because cuffing season has everybody feeling a little extra lonely.
“The real tea is that nobody is cold,” Anwar White, author of “Girl, Get Your Guy! Date With Strategy and Get the Love You Deserve” and dating/relationship coach told EBONY. “We all have blankets. What people are short on in Winter is a witness. Summer gives you a full calendar. You can be single and still be surrounded. Winter strips some of that away: fewer plans, more hours at home and a holiday season where people ask, ‘Are you bringing anyone?’ What people want isn’t necessarily body heat. They want to show the world that somebody chose them on purpose.”
Refresh Your Dating Strategy
If your dating-app profile has been sitting untouched since Memorial Day, consider this your sign to update it. Swap out the blurry group photo, add a recent full-body picture and make sure your bio actually says something about you. Your profile should give someone enough information to start a conversation, not require them to conduct an FBI investigation.
And don’t underestimate your real-life network. Tell your friends you’re open to dating. Say yes to the dinner, birthday party, gallery opening or networking event you almost skipped. Sometimes your next romantic prospect isn’t hiding in an algorithm; they’re standing three degrees away in your existing social circle.
Don’t Abandon Your Standards for Seasonal Companionship
Cuffing season can create a false sense of urgency. The desire to have someone beside you when the weather gets cold can make red flags look like Christmas decorations. Pay attention to consistency, communication and how someone makes you feel and not simply whether they’re available when you’re bored on a Friday night.
“The word “cuffing” is really playing people,” White said. “It’s commitment with plausible deniability. It lets you admit you want to be somebody’s person without having to say “I want a relationship” out loud and risk looking like you want too much. When a woman tells me she’s just looking for someone to cuff for a few months, nine times out of ten, she wants the real thing and she’s protecting herself from being told she’s moving too fast or she wants too much.”
And while you’re preparing to meet someone new, remember that your dating life doesn’t have to become your entire personality. Keep your friendships. Keep your hobbies. Keep pursuing your career and creative goals. A relationship should complement your life, not become the only interesting thing happening in it. Finally, have some fun. Dress up. Go outside. Flirt a little. Shoot your shot. Let yourself be surprised. Dating doesn’t have to feel like a corporate recruiting process with emotional benefits. “If four months in he’s never bought you anything and never planned anything (outside of basic dates and ‘in-home’ dates, he’s not slow),” White told EBONY. “He’s temporary, and February is about to prove it.”
The goal isn’t simply to secure a plus-one before the first snowfall. It’s to enter the season knowing yourself well enough to recognize someone who genuinely fits into your life. “If a man is trying to lock you down fast in October, exclusive by week three, let’s delete the apps, you’re my girlfriend now,” White told EBONY. “You must ask yourself what the hurry is. He’s not in a rush to know you. He’s in a rush to have you handled before the holidays. The tell is that he’s rushing toward the title while dodging the conversation. Take your time. You don’t owe anyone exclusivity before the two-month mark, which, if you met him now, puts you somewhere in mid-November and that’s fine.”
So update the profile, call your friends, put on the good fragrance and get outside. Cuffing season is officially in formation.