I have to admit, I’m unapologetically ambitious, and sometimes to my own detriment. But as I began reassessing my relationship with ambition, I found myself craving something I had often overlooked: the ability to be present enough to enjoy some of my wins and the beautiful life I’ve worked so hard to build.
Intentionally slowing down allowed me to actually witness my personal and professional achievements rather than immediately moving on to the next goal. And I know I’m not the only one. I’ve observed that, like me, other Black women are reconsidering their relationship to wellness alongside ambition, and rethinking what luxury means to them. Outside of the shopping sprees, lavish trips, and decadent nights on the town, we’re carving out space for intentional rest and pouring back into ourselves spiritually and soulfully.
In the “soft girl era,” luxury can look like a wellness retreat, an afternoon at the spa, a beautifully designed home, an uninterrupted weekend away, or simply having the time and resources to rest truly. It can mean maintaining a consistent workout routine, meditating, caring for our skin, body, and hair, or creating a home that feels like a sanctuary.
We’re learning that being present can be its own form of abundance and redefining what luxury looks like for us in the process, in an effort to experience our lives holistically and unapologetically. That means, for some, potentially outsourcing household responsibilities, hiring support, or blocking off time on the calendar for exercise or rest, not because we’re doing less, but because we’re recognizing that our lives deserve our presence and enjoyment, too.
At its core, this evolution is about autonomy: having enough agency over our lives to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Black women are rethinking luxury through the lens of wellness and joy. Beyond the shopping sprees, luxurious trips, and decadent nights on the town, Black women are carving out space for intentional rest and pouring back into themselves on a spiritual and soulful level by being present – ultimately redefining what luxury looks like for us. “I think for us, luxury is starting to move from not just having access to material things, but having agency over our lives,” says Latesha Byrd, entrepreneur, keynote speaker and workplace expert.
Byrd, founder and CEO of Perfeqta, a leadership and workplace consulting firm, has spent more than a decade examining ambition, leadership and the experiences of women at work. “I think there was a time when being able to stay at fancy hotels or buy these luxury brands was significant because it wasn’t always accessible to us,” she says. “But I do think that it’s not just about having things; it’s about creating a life that we really actually enjoy and that we own.” Byrd believes the next iteration of Black luxury is rooted in agency as much as access. “Having money is great, but having options is great too,” she says. “I think that we see luxury now as mental and physical health. We’re investing more into that. We want to have a life that feels peaceful. We want to have a life that feels low stress.”
That desire for peace can become especially pronounced as professional success accumulates. Black women may achieve the degrees, careers, businesses, and leadership positions they worked toward, only to discover that achievement without room to enjoy it can come with its own cost. “We know how to be leaders. We know how to hold everything together. We know how to be the strong Black woman,” Byrd says. “That’s a lot of weight and pressure and stress that we’re carrying, and that’s why I think wellness is more important because we realize that our energy is important.”
Byrd describes this phenomenon as the “high performance tax,” the personal cost that can accompany exceptionalism and achievement. “When you are exceptional, when you’re a leader, that has a cost on your peace, on your health, on your relationships,” she says. “We put so much effort into everything around the people around us and our work, but there’s not much that we’re putting back into ourselves.” That realization can change the question from What else can I accomplish? to What am I willing to invest in myself? “I do enjoy achieving. I honestly do. I’m very ambitious,” Byrd says. “But even in my most successful year, I made the most money I ever made in my business. But I was too stressed and overwhelmed and overworked even to enjoy it.”
Now, she says, luxury can be as simple as taking a Tuesday afternoon off, working out during the day, sitting on her balcony, reading a book or having dinner with friends. “Just being present for my life,” she says. “I think luxury for me is about having enough of that agency that my ambition doesn’t only pour into work; it also pours into me.” Psychotherapist Meghan Watson, founder of Bloom Psychology & Wellness, believes pleasure deserves consideration on its own terms. “Black women deserve experiences that invite us to enjoy ourselves, including when we aren’t exhausted or recovering from something,” Watson says. “Pleasure is a meaningful reason to want an experience.”
Watson sees the changing definition of luxury as an expansion, not a rejection, of traditional forms of luxury. Fashion, beauty, and beautiful objects can still hold meaning through self-expression, cultural connection, and pleasure. Wellness simply adds another dimension: time, privacy, thoughtful care, and freedom from constant demands. “What interests me is having more authority over what feels luxurious to us, including experiences whose value may be deeply personal and difficult to communicate through a photograph,” she says.
That authority can be especially meaningful for women accustomed to anticipating everyone else’s needs. “There can be something deeply moving about being considered, especially when you’re accustomed to anticipating everyone else’s needs,” Watson says. “Having someone think about your comfort, prepare a meal, or organize the details can create room to receive care.”
In other words, luxury can be the ability to receive, while having the awareness to stop performing. For Byrd, a luxurious day doesn’t always necessarily involve shopping or spending money. Instead, it begins with waking up naturally, without an alarm, moving her body and stretching. It includes good food, time outside, reading, journaling, and being around people who love her for who she is—not what she produces.
Byrd also finds pleasure in everyday rituals like lighting a candle at the end of the day, putting on a favorite record, turning off her phone, and simply resting at home. “I’ve been really intentional about turning my house into a home,” she says. “That makes me feel peaceful and restored.” The home, too, counts as an expression of wellness and care. A beautifully designed space isn’t simply about aesthetics or displaying what we own. It can create an environment that supports how we want to feel. And sometimes, wellness means getting the help that we need without feeling guilty or apprehensive about asking for assistance. Watson points to support and resources as important components of true rest. Rest can require sharing responsibility, protecting time, and having dependable support that doesn’t require constant supervision.
“Luxury is having support resources,” Byrd says. “It’s being able to step away, is being able to take the cape off, is being able not to have to carry so much that everything falls apart because we’re not involved.” However, Watson encourages us not to turn wellness into another achievement benchmark. “If being exceptional has become part of how you protect your opportunities or feel secure, slowing down can feel consequential,” Watson says. “Even wellness can become another place to achieve.”
Instead, she encourages women to consider what they are asking rest to accomplish. “It helps to notice what you’re asking rest to prove, and whether there is room to have an experience without producing a better version of yourself afterward,” she says. That perspective also complicates the idea that rest is simply a personal choice. Time, money, caregiving responsibilities, work demands, and access to support all determine who can step away. “What can feel luxurious is having the conditions to rest fully: enough time, financial breathing room, dependable support and confidence that your needs will be taken seriously,” Watson says.
And even within luxury spaces, she adds, care matters. For Black women, feeling welcome can include having our hair, skin and personal preferences understood without being made to feel difficult. “Rest itself is a basic need,” Watson says. “When we call it a luxury, I think we should also ask why the conditions that support it remain so unevenly available.”
This shift also has a generational dimension. Black women have inherited complicated relationships with work, strength and responsibility. The expectation to keep going did not emerge in a vacuum; for many women, being dependable was tied to survival and the reality that others genuinely depended on them. “We have been rewarded for how useful we can be, how much we can handle, how much we can solve,” Byrd says.
Watson says that history deserves compassion. “The women who taught us to keep going were often sharing what helped them survive,” she says. “We can honor that while questioning whether exhaustion should remain the measure of our commitment.”
That questioning does not mean Black women have to reject ambition—or even traditional luxury. We can want the beautiful things. We can want the designer bag, the five-star hotel, the dream vacation, the beautifully appointed home. We can enjoy visibility, pleasure, and material success without apologizing for any of it.
The difference is having the freedom to decide what actually enriches our lives. Watson suggests asking whether a wellness or luxury choice fits our needs, preferences, and financial reality and whether we feel free to decline it. “When wellness becomes something you must purchase to feel worthy or keep up, it deserves closer attention,” she says. “Black women should have room to enjoy luxury without having to justify every pleasure as healing.”
Perhaps the most radical part of redefining luxury is realizing we don’t have to earn every moment of joy. A life well lived isn’t measured solely by how much we accomplish, acquire, or endure. It can also be measured by how present we are for the life we’ve created, the people we love, and the moments that never make it onto Instagram. “What does the life I’ve built actually feel like to live?” Watson asks. For generations of ambitious Black women, that may be the luxury worth pursuing.