Summer is almost here, and this year we’re approaching dating differently, starting with bringing back “yearning,” the act of longing and desire.
Dating in 2026 looks very different. With constant access through dating apps and social media, nobody really has to yearn. In our ever-progressing digital age, you can text your crush anytime or check their social media accounts, prompting you to learn most things about them before you have even sat across from them.
According to relationship and intimacy expert Nikquan Lewis, yearning serves as a reminder of the “glory days” of romance, the 90s. “Yearning in dating takes me back to some of our greatest love stories from the 90s. Movies like Jason’s Lyric and Love Jones let us feel desire through the screen, literally. You could feel the tension, the anticipation. The way two people wanted each other and had to sit in that,” she said.
While not every aspect of 90s love was ideal, the core of yearning lies in fostering authentic connection over time. Love stories and trysts showed us what it looks like to build something, to prioritize taking the time actually to learn more about someone, and to develop romance.
Nowadays, people are burned out by surface-level conversations and options with no real depth. So this shift we are seeing in the dating space is rooted in establishing emotional bonds, and actively responding to what has not been working. To achieve that, here are some summer dating trends, according to Lewis.
Yearning or slow burn anticipation
This summer, we’re letting anticipation build instead of rushing access. There was a time when you had to wait. Wait for the call, for the next date, and to sit with how much you liked someone. Now everything is instant, and when everything is instant, nothing has time to build. Give things space. Let yourself think about the person. Let yourself feel it.
But if space immediately makes you anxious, or if you find yourself checking your phone, overthinking, or trying to force a connection, that is dysregulation, not yearning. Yearning is grounded. It allows you to feel desire without losing yourself in it. If you can’t sit in the space, you will try to close it too quickly. That is how people rush into a connection or attach to the wrong person.
Being present with your date or potential partner
Pay attention to how someone feels in person, not just how they text. You can text someone all day and still feel nothing when you see them in person. Connection does not live in your phone; it shows up in real life. Emotional safety should not be something you figure out after you are already attached. You should feel the beginning of it early through consistency, presence, and how someone responds to you.
So slow down and notice:
Do I feel comfortable?
Do I feel safe?
Do I feel like I can actually be myself?
Do I feel settled in my body or on edge?
Emotional intelligence over chemistry
We are not going back to the 90s as is. We are not carrying the lack of communication, the avoidance, or the generational dysfunction and unhealed trauma. This version of dating is an old-school connection with new-school awareness, and I love it. Look for consistency, accountability, and emotional safety.
Pay attention to whether someone communicates clearly, respects your boundaries, and follows through. Emotional safety is built through reliability, not just intensity. You should not have to question where you stand while also trying to build feelings.
Prioritizing vulnerability
Be vulnerable, but do not rush intimacy to feel connected. Vulnerability is necessary, but many people are using it to fast-track closeness. Telling your entire life story too soon does not build connection; it creates emotional exposure without trust. Real vulnerability takes time and is intentional. It grows as safety is built, is mutual and intentional. When vulnerability is grounded, it deepens connection. When it is rushed, it can create a false sense of closeness that does not last.
In-person connection versus the dating app
Apps are still a major part of dating. The problem is not the app. It is how people are using it. Endless swiping. Multiple conversations with no direction. Staying in the app instead of moving into real life.
Use the app to meet. Then move. Have the conversation. Set the date. Get off the phone and into real life. Sustainable and intimate connections struggle to thrive in a message thread. If the app is where the relationship lives, it often stays at a surface level.
Allowing the connection to have a healthy space
If you are in constant contact, there is no room for anticipation, and anticipation is sexy. It fuels desire. Without it, there is no time to reflect. No time to miss each other. No time to feel the impact of someone’s presence.
Space is not disconnection. Space is where desire and clarity build. Where you get to feel what is actually there. And if you avoid space because it feels uncomfortable, you also avoid the depth it brings.
Transparent & Chalance Dating
Strive to be upfront about your intentions and share your desire for the relationship or connection during the first couple of dates to avoid mixed signals and burnout. Combining “challenge” and “nonchalance” embraces and encourages intentional effort and emotional openness in dating. It’s all about planning thoughtful dates, sending voice notes, maintaining consistent communication, and expressing genuine interest.