Listen, sweat can be a sign of good progress, but it’s okay to be honest: sometimes it can be a hindrance in the bedroom. Now, you might think the real cuddle season is in the Winter months when everyone is more prone to stay indoors. Still, a study by ZipHealth revealed that the Summer months are actually when people engage in sexual activity more, with 30% of adults wanting to enjoy the activity late at night in comparison to other times of day. Libido fluctuations paired with weather changes make an extensive difference in how people navigate intimacy.
Dr. Shamyra Howard shared her insights as a sexologist, licensed clinical social worker, and CST about the best approach to sex in the Summertime to avoid overheating and leading with intentionality. More exposure to sunlight helps produce more serotonin and Vitamin D in the body, which in turn boosts energy and hormone levels and positively drives the desire to have sex. Though one’s desire may be higher during the Summer, fatigue from heat temperatures can cause a conflicting experience between having a high sex drive but low energy to the point of not fully executing.
“Heat can absolutely change how interested we are in sex. When you’re hot, tired, dehydrated, sticky, or simply overstimulated from being outside all day, sex may not sound nearly as appealing, and that’s okay. Libido isn’t supposed to operate at the same level every day,” Dr. Howard explained. She continued on to encourage lovers to expand their definition of intimacy beyond just ‘doing the do’.
Taking a cool shower together, giving each other massages, cuddling, and kisses while under the air conditioning are ways that Dr. Howard believes someone can explore intimacy beyond just sex. “You can be affectionate and sensual without every intimate moment needing to become sex. And sometimes the answer really is: hydrate and take a nap. Rest is good for your sex life, too.”
For couples that are navigating social calendars and work responsibilities, feeling tired during the Summer months while navigating the heat is a recipe for sex that feels rushed and something to add to a to-do list versus being something to look forward to. This scenario and ones similar can cause libido mismatch. Libido mismatch is when two individuals that are approaching a sexual act with two different sex drive levels. While it’s a common issue in relationships, understanding how to navigate it can be a challenge.
“If summer has you worn out by 10 p.m., move sexual intimacy somewhere else in the day. Morning sex, an afternoon quickie, or intimacy after you’ve showered and had time to cool down may feel completely different than trying to muster up energy at bedtime. As a sex therapist, I also tell couples to pay attention to how they initiate when energy is low. Instead of “Do you want to have sex?” try, “Do you want to fool around for a little while?” It takes some of the pressure off. You can start with pleasure and connection and decide together where it goes.”
Giving each other grace during sexual experiences is what can help boost comfortability and alleviate pressure from the parties involved. The expectation that many have to mirror their sexual experience after what they’ve seen in cinema is not only unrealistic, but gives a false sense of reality. Making the experience what you and your partner will enjoy should be the ultimate objective. “One other thing people don’t consider enough is that vacation sex does not have to be spectacular. There can be this expectation that you’re in a beautiful hotel, on an anniversary trip, or somewhere tropical, so surely you should be having the best sex of your life. Meanwhile, you’ve walked 18,000 steps, had three cocktails, eaten a huge dinner, and spent six hours in the sun,” she said.
For singles in the Summertime who are casually hooking up during the Summer months, it’s easy to fall into the ease of just having fun and being spontaneous. In this scenario, it’s important to be mindful of personal safety. Through proactive STI and STD testing, the use of condoms or barriers, and having a contraception plan, this can help you go into the experience with a stronger peace of mind. When alcohol is involved, it is also important to be mindful of consent and boundaries as being under the influence can make these things less clear. Dr. Howard believes that upfront consent and proactiveness is the best way to avoid miscommunication, discomfort, and boundary pushing.
“I’m also big on personal safety with casual partners. Let somebody you trust know where you are, maintain your own transportation when possible, and don’t be embarrassed to change your mind. Consent isn’t something you gave at 8 p.m. and now have to honor for the rest of the night. And please hydrate. Sex after a full day of drinking margaritas in 95-degree weather is not an Olympic event. Your body has already been working overtime,” she said.
While there are numerous positions someone may have in mind to try, utilizing ones that have less body contact can help to reduce extra heat while engaging during the Summer months. Whether you’re looking to be inside in cool air or outdoors with privacy, Dr. Howard recommends finding ways to build intimacy with positions that have less contact while making other small adjustments for the best experience.
“When it comes to sex positions, if you’re trying to stay cooler, think less full-body contact. Side-by-side positions can be comfortable, but spooning can actually get pretty warm because there’s so much skin-to-skin contact. Positions where partners are facing each other but supporting their own body weight, seated positions with some space between the bodies, or positions where one partner is behind the other without lying completely on top can all help. Even something as simple as moving from a bed to the edge of the bed can make a difference. Mattresses trap heat. Give yourselves some air,” she said.
Rushing into a sexual experience off the strength of haste and excitement can truly make the experience less enjoyable over time if not handled more delicately. Beyond mindset going into the act, the environment where it’s been done also makes a difference. Keeping cool during sex doesn’t have to always be attributed to having AC blasting, sometimes it can be used to your advantage in a different way. Simple things such as a cool washcloth or sex toys exclusively used for temperature adjustment are alternatives that Dr. Howard believes it can help keep the body cool while keeping the energy high.
“First, use the environment. Turn the AC down, get a fan going, switch out heavy bedding, and consider taking a cool shower beforehand. You don’t get extra points for suffering. Summer is also a great time to play with temperature. Some toys made specifically for temperature play can be cooled according to the manufacturer’s instructions. A cool washcloth can feel wonderful against the neck, chest, or other areas of the body. Just don’t start putting random frozen objects directly on sensitive skin. We want sexy, not an urgent-care visit,” she said.
When it comes to the act itself, it’s important to not only stay hydrated but be mindful of the timing and hygiene maintenance amidst heat temperatures to ensure an enjoyable experience for both parties. Whether you’re looking to have sex indoors or exploring opportunities outdoors while traveling, mindfulness about privacy with location and contraception help avoid things being overlooked while in the heat of the moment.