Summer is a time to hang with community, but now follower counts are the basis for friendships, networking has turned into endless sales pitches, and the cookout is viral content over simple moments. Black communities used to be built in churches, cultural centers and block clubs—spaces that required something of you. If loyalty left with the old institutions, where did it go—and why do so many of us feel the shift but can’t quite name it?
Somewhere between joining the church choir and after-school programs, many of us learned showing up for others wasn’t optional. You volunteered when someone asked. You checked on an elder because they lived down the street. You knew the people on your block, and they knew you. Our communities weren’t perfect, but they expected something from everyone. In return, you had the neighbor you trusted to watch your house, the woman selling dinners to raise money for her child’s activities or someone willing to watch your fur babies while you were on vacation.
“The desire for community has not disappeared because connection is a fundamental human need. What has changed is people’s willingness to accept the work that comes with it,” stated positive psychologist, executive coach and founder of the Positive Psychology Coaching and Diversity Institute Dr. Kiki Ramsey.
“Connection isn’t just something we want—it’s something we need. The truth is, community requires effort.”
Navigating different personalities, conflict and life’s demands isn’t easy, but Ramsey says those moments are what build trust. She believes social media has changed how relationships are valued.
“Visibility is often rewarded immediately, while loyalty is built quietly over time,” she explained. “The danger is that we can begin prioritizing being seen over genuinely seeing and supporting the people around us.”
When relationships become transactional, Ramsey says people begin questioning whether they are valued for who they are or what they can provide. That erodes trust and the psychological safety real community requires.
Research also reflects the changes. Pew Research Center’s 2026 report, For Many Black Americans, Family Extends Beyond Birth and Legal Ties, found that 77 percent of Black adults consider at least one person outside of blood or legal ties to be family, with many exchanging emotional and financial support through those chosen family relationships. Howard University legal scholar Harold A. McDougall argues in Social Change Requires Civic Infrastructure that lasting communities depend on institutions that cultivate participation, trust and shared responsibility rather than temporary engagement.
First-generation Ethiopian American filmmaker and community strategist Herrana Addisu shared that a sense of community responsibility was embedded in everyday life growing up in Ethiopia.
“Community meant much more than friendship or social connection,” Addisu shared. “It was rooted in mutual respect, shared responsibility, and an understanding that the well-being of one person was connected to the well-being of everyone around them.”
Addisu believes American individualism can weaken that mindset because success is often framed as an individual achievement instead of something made possible by family and community.
“Solidarity doesn’t require us to erase our differences,” she continued. “It asks us to understand them.”
Author, filmmaker and host of the Dear Future Wifey podcast Laterras R. Whitfield sees the same shift reflected in modern relationships.
“We have become experts at access but novices at attachment,” Whitfield said.
He believes social media has made loyalty “more performative than personal,” rewarding public support while private consistency becomes increasingly rare.
“Commitment begins where convenience ends,” Whitfield concluded. “Choosing to communicate instead of disappearing. Choosing to repair instead of replace. Choosing to serve instead of simply asking what you can receive.”