I used to think self-love meant wearing crop tops and posting perfect Instagram photos. I built this huge platform doing just that. I championed body positivity in all my posts and the plus-size community embraced me. My inbox overflowed with messages from women who admired my confidence and style. On the surface, I was the epitome of self-confidence.
Beneath my perfectly curated social media feed, I was consumed by people pleasing and in a toxic romantic relationship that was diminishing my self-worth. My authentic self was far from the perfect images I displayed online. Upholding a flawless facade was an unsustainable lifestyle.
2020 marked a turning point for me. The future seemed crazier than ever, pushing me to consciously detach my self-worth from external validation, both from my former partner and my audience. I severed ties with relationships that stifled my growth and embarked on a journey toward genuine self-love.
Embracing authenticity, I began sharing more than just the highlight reel of my life, slowly inviting my followers into my real world. This shift was not without its challenges, particularly for someone who had always aimed to please other people. I overcame the challenges by evolving my self-care regimen. I started journaling, which offered clarity and a safe space for my authentic voice to land without the judgment of others.
I explored healthy ways to self-soothe like cleansing baths that rejuvenated my spirit. Daily affirmations in the mirror bolstered my confidence, reminding me of my worth. I treated myself with the kindness I desired from others, whether through simple pleasures like fresh flowers or preparing my favorite meals. Music became a therapeutic outlet, with playlists curated for every emotion, aiding healing and self-expression.
Most importantly, I allowed myself the grace to experience the full spectrum of human emotions, recognizing that self-love means accepting both the highs and the lows. This journey towards authenticity not only transformed my personal life but also opened doors to professional opportunities that resonated with my true self.
The willingness to embark on the journey of loving ourselves demands the courage to face our vulnerabilities. We cannot pour into ourselves or anyone else from an empty cup so we must embrace the labor of self-care for our own endurance along the way.
Here are some tips for surviving the self-love journey back to you:
1. Remember All That You Can Do
Take time to list your past accomplishments, what you overcame and the things that come easy to you. You’ll need to reference this list when you face your fears of being the version of you that is most authentic out loud. It’s going to get scary, but you’ll be prepared. You can do this.
2. Follow the Folks That Inspire the Authentic You
My respective social media feeds are a reflection of the world I want to immerse myself in. I follow inspiring individuals like:
- Krystal Franklin (@krysfranklintv)
- Chardline Chanel (@chardlinechanel)
- Kelly Augustine (@kellyaugustine)
- Amber Philips (@amberabundance)
- Mercedes Barnes (@thebigbodyhighpriestess)
- Yasmine Jameelah (@yasminejameelah)
- Brena Jean (@thebrenajean)
3. Curate Your IRL Community Carefully
If there are people in your life who only want to see you show up in unsustainable ways, hard decisions might have to be made. Give yourself time to heal and recover from hard conversations and big relationship shifts.
4. Invest Your Attention in the Future You
Hear me out—as a self-described “Master Manifestor,” I believe we become what we focus on. What we spend the most time reading, listening to, watching, feeling, and doing shapes our futures, whether intentional or not. Invest your focus on building a world where the most authentic version of you can thrive in. You’ll thank yourself later.
The path to self-love is filled with changes, so the work of loving ourselves is never-ending. There will always be a part of ourselves that calls us to love because our spirit constantly reminds us that we are worth our own labor of love.
Essie Golden is a plus-size style expert, fashion blogger and size-inclusive fashion consultant. She is the co-founder of the #goldenconfidence and Thicklaces movement, which aims to create more exposure for underrepresented bodies and empower individuals to wear what they want.
The post [Op-Ed] Journey Back to You: Plus-Size Style Guru Essie Golden Reflects on Loving Ourselves Beyond the Insta-Grid appeared first on EBONY.